The Hidden Cause of Disappointment

Question:  I have a question about how we should act or respond when someone says they feel hurt or disappointed by us. When we try to build closer relationships with others, there are times when we unexpectedly hear, “I felt hurt by you.” This feeling of hurt usually comes when someone’s expectations aren't met or when they feel they didn’t receive enough understanding or attention from others. It often starts as a small disappointment, but if left unresolved, it can negatively affect the relationship. So it seems like something we should try to understand and resolve to maintain healthy social connections. For those who often hear others say they were hurt, what could be the reason? And how can they reflect on and adjust their attitude or behavior to avoid hearing such words?

Answer: This kind of emotional experience often happens in close relationships, like with family. So, it’s important to understand what the other person was expecting and how we might adjust. Everyone has felt hurt at some point. There’s not a single person in the world who hasn’t. That’s why we need to study and find out why these situations happen. If we just go through life feeling hurt without ever seeking the reason, that feeling will stay with us. And how long does it stay? It can remain even after death, carried with the soul. Even if it seems like no big deal, that lingering hurt can turn into an obsession or deep resentment. And that energy affects our lives today. So, how does this hurt occur? It’s because we live focusing only on our path, without noticing the other person. When someone had a certain expectation of us, and we didn’t meet it or just brushed it off, that’s when they feel hurt. If this keeps happening, that emotional energy starts to affect society. It doesn’t stay a small, personal issue. It builds and spreads. And eventually, when society is affected, it comes back to us as problems in our own lives. If I did something that hurt someone, then that same amount of negative energy will return to me as a consequence.

So if someone often hears that they’ve made others feel hurt, it’s because they’ve been living only in their way, without truly caring for others. If this is happening to you often, it’s time to reflect. Don’t just get caught up in hurtful words. Instead, when someone says this to you, think about it again. And if you hear it a second time, reflect again. If you do this, your view of society will grow, and you’ll begin to gain the wisdom to resolve it. Don’t just brush it off. Usually, people who live with many advantages, like beauty, wealth, or social support, are more likely to hurt others without realizing it. If they haven’t been through much difficulty or haven’t studied these emotional dynamics, they can end up hurting others simply because they don’t know better. On the other hand, people who grew up with less or have faced many hardships usually don’t hurt others as much. Why? Because they live humbly and try not to cause trouble for others. They know what it's like to struggle, so they don’t easily make others feel hurt.

If you are someone who often causes hurt, it means you were given certain abilities or advantages in life. But that also comes with the responsibility to look around you and help others who are struggling. If you don’t take the time to reflect and learn, the problems you caused will eventually return to you as misfortune or accidents. That’s how negative energy builds up and creates bad situations in your life. So, whenever someone tells you they were hurt by you, even if you don’t understand exactly why, pray like this: “God, I don’t fully understand what I did, but please teach me the right path so I can live without hurting others.” That is the kind of prayer we should do. When we pray with sincerity, spiritual beings help us by connecting us with people or situations where we can learn. Through conversations, we begin to understand what we didn’t know before. One day, you may realize, “Ah, I didn’t know at the time, but I see now that I was my misstep." Then, those painful words will stop, and your relationships will improve.

And if you’re the one who feels hurt, you also need to reflect, “Why do I feel this way?” Usually, it’s because we had some kind of desire or expectation that wasn’t met. That feeling of being let down comes from within us. In most cases, the person who feels hurt carries 70% of the responsibility, and the one who caused it carries the other 30%. The one who feels hurt needs to study and reflect more deeply. So, if you're feeling hurt right now, ask yourself: “What kind of desire or expectation do I need to let go of?” But it’s not easy to just let go of desire. Even if we want to let go, it doesn’t happen automatically. Life keeps bringing us difficult situations because of that desire, almost as if to say, “Let go.” But the only real way to be free from desire is to study the right teachings and learn the correct laws of how to live in society. That’s why I’m sharing Jungbub's teachings, so people can find the right path. Don’t get stuck too deep in these emotions. Start little by little, studying and trying to live more rightly, and you’ll see the right path open before you. That’s how we should understand this.